Almost a year

So almost a year has passed since I believe my eyes were opened to my desperate need of God.

Here's a little background...

I was raised in a "Christian" home with godly parents who took our family to church every time the doors were open. Parents who loved, supported and cared for their children and modeled the love Christ had for the church. My Dad, a man of integrity, incredible character and who through all the tough times in life was an example of finding Joy in all circumstances, a mom who has a servants heart and cares about others more than herself...longing to take care of and serve people even through her own pain. I was sheltered. I grew up in a middle class family that never had plenty but never seemed to be in want...I was blessed...

I had great opportunities as a youth/young adult to travel, serve and be surrounded by people that encouraged me to live passionately for Christ. I saw people all over the world that desired hope and had a desperate need for Christ...and though I traveled to different parts of the world to share hope and grace with others....somehow? I still didn't "get it" myself. I was so blessed...but didn't realize it....

So there's the background...now....today I picked up my journal and read my first entry from last November after the light bulb came on....in the words of Hank Williams...."I saw the Light"....this may seem odd that I am starting to blog with a journal entry from about a year ago but I wanted to log my steps as I run for Christ...whole heartedly...without reserve....fully trusting....like never before....forever truly changed...

November 2007

Well after years of hurt, uncertainty, loneliness and the big one...SELFISHNESS! I have come to a point of complete brokenness....realizing that the things I have invested my time, talents, resources, energy...life...in for about the past 8 years have not impacted God's Kingdom. I have been so consumed with myself and earthly treasures and they have left my heart empty and aching. It is my prayer that now at this crossroads I will forever change my actions and forever fill my heart with the indescribable grace and love that comes ONLY from Jesus. I want to fall passionately in love with the Creator... I want to have a willing heart that longs to know Him in an intimate way. I want to be emptied of every impurity in me so that I may be filled with the Holy Spirit....and that I will poor that out on everyone I meet.

God's grace is already being shown to me in so many ways. I have been blessed by godly friendships...and of course God's Word never fails. It has penetrated my heart....it seems so fresh...like I have never read it before...It daily opens my eyes to the fact that God can still use people like me...He still has a plan for my life!

So that was the journal entry. As I read back over it I find things that I know are still true today almost a year later and I also read things that God has shown me aren't complete truths...First...I know that even though to me at the time I wrote this it seemed like nothing was bringing God glory through my life...He is continuing to show me now that"what was intended for evil God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done!!!!!!" (Gen. 50:20) And that this wasn't just an issue that had gone on for the last 8 years but one with a deeper root...much deeper...a desire I had all my life to please others and look good in the eyes of the world....Praise God, I sit with a different heart and different hope today!

As I sit here almost a year later...I can admit that there is still some earthly uncertainties but I am at a place of contentment and peace that I have never been before....

I am going to post some other blogs from notes I have written over the past year...just about things God has taught me through life...all I can say is ALL GLORY TO GOD! I don't say that lightly...I truely desire to bring it all to Him! I am nothing without Him!