Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Last 30 Years

April 2008

This weekend I had the privilege to engage/ listen to our generations most gifted worship leaders challenge college students to live passionately for Christ & His glory! I have to say that the desire for God to change my life that has been burning in me for the last 6 months was fueled! As I have reflected recently on the last 30 years I have learned so much about my God, myself and how I impact others. And from my view I must confess God has remained the same (as you all know) and I have riden a roller coaster of selfishness, head knowledge & desire to please others my entire life. i grew up in a loving home with parents who loved God, I was taught parts of the Bible, and was encouraged to do what is "right"...i went to good schools & my degree is in theology for heavens sake...you would think that at some point I would have surrendered to the Most High God...dont get me wrong, oh I believed in God but I didn't seem to put to action my belief and knowledge....maybe I truly didn't believe He was sovereign....because I sure tried to help Him out so much with my own choices...thinking I knew what was best for me....well now I sit in this car driving up the interstate in silence just thinking....knowing now with no doubts that HE IS SOVEREIGN & HE DOESNT NEED MY HELP! ok I know that's a shocker to some of you but please pick your jaw up off the ground & hang with me a few more minutes...after years of running from God & from what blessings He had in store for me I am now laying my life down....and by receiving His grace through the cross I am a new creation! (SHUT UP!) and only those that were at Passion will understand why I added that :) I am free! free of the guilt....free of the shame....free of the sin that so entangle my life....for the first time in 30 years I have an indescribable peace! in the eyes of the world my past is screwed up to a degree but no longer am I existing to impress the world....my heart is so full of the grace & love my Jesus has poured out on me that I want to share that with this world.....my future is certain & my steps are firm as I walk in the light of His glory & grace! I am so blessed...certainly not in the eyes of this world but definitely in the eyes of my God! He gets me :) and I now serve an audience of One and pray that NEVER again will I attempt to receive glory for anything but that in all things glory & praise will be given to my Chain Breaker...the Risen Lord...Jesus Christ! I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN! PRAISE GOD!

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